


Ren on his Own

by TransDudeAce_Dax_Eden



Category: Pocket Monsters: Sword & Shield | Pokemon Sword & Shield Versions
Genre: Angst, Fluff and Angst, Galar-chihou | Galar Region (Pokemon), Gay Male Character, Gen, Gym Challenges (Pokemon), Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, LGBTQ Character, LGBTQ Female Character, LGBTQ Themes, Lesbian Character, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Past Abuse, Past Child Abuse, Pokemon, Pokemon Battles, Pokemon Gym Leaders, Pokemon Journey, Pokemon Trainers, Pokemon Training, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, References to Depression, Tags Are Hard, Trans Character, Trans Male Character, Trauma
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-02
Updated: 2020-12-05
Packaged: 2021-03-10 01:07:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,247
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27841972
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TransDudeAce_Dax_Eden/pseuds/TransDudeAce_Dax_Eden
Summary: Ren has never been on his own. As a kid, he was kept inside most of the time other than seeing family and sometimes getting to play with the neighborhood kids. When he ran away from home he met Amatsu and began traveling with her. The two later met Robin and now the three were bonding together. Everything seemed fine, but past traumas and judgements can easily turn the tides of a good friendship. Amatsu and Ren get in a fight that leads Ren to break off from the group to have some time alone to think things over. His own past traumas don't help him come to terms with the fight any faster. Now on his own, Ren has a lot to think about that he honestly doesn't want to think of.(Note: I only my original characters. Amatsu is my friend's OC and at the moment is only mentions because again she isn't my character. Go to Reaperblood2510 on wattpad to know more about her and my friend in general (they are amazing so maybe show them some support.) All pokemon characters from sword and shield of course don't belong to me. Just thought I would mention all of this.)





	1. A New Friend

**Author's Note:**

> If you didn't read all the tags or my note in the summary, then read this note please.  
> Ren, (the main character and my OC) was physically and mentally abused as a child, this story at the bare minimum references that and at the maximum will dive into memories of his past. He is no longer being abused but certainly has a lot of trauma that comes to light in this story. If this is at all triggering to you I don't recommend reading this story.  
> Again Amatsu isn't my character and at the moment will only be mentioned. All credit for Amatsu goes to my friend, who you can go to Reaperblood2510 on wattpad to learn more about Amatsu and my friend.  
> If you came her to be homophobic or transphobic, get out. that will not be tolerated here. Yes Ren is gay, yes Robin is pansexual and trans (FTM), they are both my characters and I will not tolerated homophobia and transphobia. If you have questions feel free to again, I'm sure Myself or someone else would be happy to answer your questions.  
> With all that said if you still want to you can continue on to the story. Feel free to correct any writing mistakes you see because I can't proofread to save my life.

The grey clouds in the sky upon me only worsened my mood, which was a mix of emotions I’m not sure I wanted to touch. I’ve always been a more emotional person and I hated hiding that from people to please my father. Anger was the only emotion I can fully say I learned from him because other than that he was calm and collected. My mom always said he was good at showing emotions when around ones he trusted, that he may seem cold and harsh, but that he had a beautiful soft side to him; maybe at one point he did, I don’t think it’s there any more…. I felt a shiver go down my spine, not sure if the wind caused my reaction or past and recent memories, either way I needed to get to a Pokemon Center before the rain started. As tears threatened to fall from my eyes, I tried to steel my emotions, I didn’t want to cry, but the tears came anyway despite my efforts to stop them. They blurred my eyesight as I walked to where I didn’t know Pipi, once again, tried to wander off. When Pix pawed at my foot, causing to look down at her, she looked in the direction of moving bushes. I barely caught sight of my Wooloo’s white wool before she went bouncing off into the forest and long grass. “Pipi! I’m not in the mood to chance after you…” I waited a few seconds and when she didn’t return I sighed. Goop looked up at me from his position in my arms then looked to where Pipi disappeared. “Come on you two, let’s try and find her quickly before the rain hits.” I turned on my heel and walked the direction Pipi went, Pix following closely and Goop still in my arms.

“Pipi! Oh Pipi! Where has that Wooloo gone.” It had been at least five minutes since Pipi wandered off and I couldn't find her. I started to get worried and panic rose in my chest. Picking Pix up too, I ran straight for the most part looking for my other pokemon. It was going to rain, Pipi ran off, I wasn’t with anyone else, I didn’t know where exactly I was, and I felt as if many things were watching me. It was also way too quiet yet it felt so loud, I recognized that feeling, which only made me panic more. The lack of sound reminded me of the many nights I laid awake in my bed, terrified to go to sleep constantly wondering if I did something wrong that day to make him mad, wondering if he would hurt me again, quietly and subconsciously counting without given a reason to do so. The farther I ran the darker it got, more memories to scare me, to make me panic more, came with each new yet familiar thing. Then I tripped, being that it had been dark and my mind was running miles more than I was, I had been caught off guard by a tree root and tumbled to the ground, at that point the only thing on my mind was to make sure Pix and Goop didn’t get hurt. So I twisted my body to land on my side rather than on my front, I barely registered the audible pop in my ankle before I hit the ground. Pix and Goop got out of my arms and I could see fear in Pix’s eyes and concern in Goop’s. I didn’t get up as I just let tears stream down my face and felt the rain had already started as a few water droplets hit my body; plus Goop looked momentarily happy about the rain. I wasn’t cut out for any of this, everything hurt though most of the pain was in my ankle. I closed my eyes as I felt like my head would explode or something, when I felt a tongue on my face and my shot up. There in front of me was Pipi as Goop climbed back into my arm as if to comfort me. Pix looked at something on top of Pipi as the Vulpix walked closer to me rather than Pipi. From Pix’s actions alone I could tell she was nervous about whatever was on top of my Wooloo.

Pushing myself up a little so I could look at Pipi, I nearly fell back down again in shock. Buried in Pipi’s wool, only its ears and part of its face being able to be seen, was a pokemon I instantly recognized and brought up some more pleasant and even fun memories. Pipi looked happy to have made a friend despite me silently being upset at her wandering off on me again. The small pokemon poked out of the wool a little more to look at me, it wasn’t scared and even gave me a little wave with one of it’s tiny pink hands. Pix seemed to pick up on the fact that this pokemon wouldn’t hurt her and went to sniff at the small pink pokemon. “It’s a Cleffa…” I cried again, that made the third time in less than an hour, but this time I cried happy tears. I’d never seen a Cleffa before, but I remember my mom’s Clefable, who just adored. Seeing the Cleffa reminded me of all the memories I had with my mom’s Clefable. The Cleffa seemed to boop Pix’s nose and Goop went over to look at the small pokemon too. The pink pokemon jumped onto Pix and then the ground to see my Goomy. Goop didn’t seem to mind the fact that the Cleffa was a fairy type and showed just the same amount of interest in the tiny pokemon as the Cleffa had on him. Pix pawed Pipi’s face in an action to tell Pipi to stop wandering off because she scared me and this could have ended a lot worse, Pipi responded by licking Pix and then went back to watching the Cleffa. The Cleffa turned towards me and walked up to me giving me another wave. I tried to wave back only to realize just how much pain my ankle was as I had to shift my body. Walking over to my ankle and pointing at it, the small pokemon looked at me for I guess some kind of kind of conformation. When I didn’t give it one the pink pokemon poked my ankle causing me to pull it back, which only caused more pain. That had been enough of a conformation for the Cleffa and it started to use a move on my ankle, heal pulse, though it took me a minute to recognize the move at first. The move didn’t heal my ankle completely because the Cleffa was only a Cleffa who could only do so much, plus the move wouldn’t have healed my whole ankle anyway, but the pain lessened and I could feel more confident about walking on it. “Uh...thank you.” I said to the small pokemon as I was poked in the arm by a stick. Pix and Pipi went and found a stick I could use to help with walking. I smiled warmly at them and went to grab a wrap from my bag to wrap up my ankle only a pokeball fell out as I grabbed the wrap and I didn't notice.

Taking off my shoe I carefully wrapped my foot and ankle with Goop ‘help’, his help hadn’t been exactly helpful, but it is the thought that counts. I also wrapped part of the stick so I hopefully wouldn’t get splinters. I looked around for the Cleffa again only to notice the pokeball, which the small pink pokemon was next to. “Oh that most have fallen out, thanks for noticing it and thank you again for helping me.” I went to grab the pokeball only for the Cleffa to… hug it?! This action caused the pokeball to react, so now the Cleffa was inside the ball. There would only be one shake before the ping that the pokemon was caught sounded off from the pokeball. I quickly grabbed the ball and brought the Cleffa back out prepared to apologize and release it, but when I brought the Cleffa out it just came up to my arm and hugged it. Silence filled our space before I spoke to ask the Cleffa a question. “Do you want to umm… come with us?” Though I was confused by the tiny pokemon’s actions, I couldn’t help but be happy when the Cleffa nodded. I looked at my other pokemon to see if they had any problems with this new addition to the team and they all looked from a mix of glad to willing to get to know the Cleffa. “Well uh… yeah you want to come with us you can.” I said through a small laugh. “Do you want a nickname? Everyone else as one, see the Vulpix is Pix, the Wooloo is Pipi, and the Goomy is Goop. Oh and I’m Ren.” The Cleffa thought for a moment before nodding and I picked the pokemon up. “How about... Lia?” Sounds of joy came from the Cleffa. “Lia it is! You want to continue riding on Pipi?” I didn't need to ask for Lia to hop onto Pipi.

I picked up Goop and grabbed the stick to try and get up. It took a minute to find my balance with still being careful of the Goomy in my arms, but I managed. Pix and Pipi, of course Lia being on Pipi, went in front of me to lead the way and after having a minute to look around properly I noticed a few things; one, being we were on a path of sorts, and two, being our beautiful surroundings. There were mushrooms that lit the path and lit up some hidden pokemon, who either were playing around or were watching us, but none of them seemed like they would attack us, even some of them followed us/showed us which paths to take. I later put the pieces together that most of these pokemon were fairy types which somehow made the scene all that much more pretty. Even with the rain, which couldn’t get through as much because of the trees, added to the beauty. Despite many things in the back of my mind that wanted my attention on them, I focused on the forest, or walking and not falling, or my new pokemon Lia. I needed this peaceful moment even if there were a lot of other things I should be thinking about.

It wasn’t long until we exited the forest, but the town was still just as pretty as the path. I would have to figure out where I was later as I made my way to the Pokemon Center not too far into the town. I needed to focus on one thing at a time and that at the moment would be to get my ankle check out and to make sure all my pokemon were doing well and probably getting sleep. It wasn’t a plan, but it was a start and it put some of my other thoughts to rest for a few. If nothing else on this day was good at least we had a new friend.


	2. New Advice

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heads up, though there isn't any detail, Ren's traumas are brought up and referenced in this chapter. Figured I would put that out there.

Despite needing my ankle checked out, I insisted my pokemon be checked first seeing as when I did fall I was holding Pix and Goop in my arms. They were all fine and I let the nurse check my ankle. It was sprained though because of Lia it wasn’t as bad as it had been when I first fell. The nurse told me to get some rest and that I shouldn’t walk on it much for the next few days. She prepared a room for me at the center seeing as camping wouldn’t be an option with the weather; she also said my ankle would heal better in a bed as I could prop up my foot easier in a bed than a tent. She gave me a proper crutch too, which I was definitely grateful for as the stick wasn’t exactly comfortable.

My pokemon were quick to settle down on the bed all cuddled together and used a pillow to elevate my newly wrapped ankle. I didn’t realize how tired I was until I fell asleep rather quickly, which was probably for the best as it didn’t give me time to think about anything other than sleep. Unfortunately, it wasn’t a dreamless sleep like I often hoped for. I had alway had terrible nightmares if that had been something on my mind all day long and I had already addressed the problem that plagued my mind. A lot was on my mind and most aren’t good. Sure the new addition to my team was good, but there was a lot of bad. I had panicked, which brought up so many memories that made my heart ache. Even if I wasn’t with my father anymore, some of the memories weren’t about that, though they still led me back to being reminded of him they weren’t caused by him. I missed Amatsu and Robin, I'm not sure if the two of them are still traveling together or not because I broke off from our group after Amatsu and I had a fight. Though I didn’t want to think about any of that, I still did, my dreams proved as much. This nightmare focused on that fight, from the beginning of the fight to the end and after the fight. It hadn’t been my plan to break off from our group, but I ultimately decide we needed time apart, that I needed time to think by myself; Robin, though he understood, tried to convince me to stay, Amatsu and I were friends after all so shouldn’t we be able to talk it over later, was his reasoning and I also agreed to stay. Knowing I don’t know how to handle my emotions the best, I left to sort them out on my own. Amatsu could focus on her thoughts and emotions and I could focus on mine without either of us getting upset at one another again. Yet I don’t know how I’m supposed to sort them out, I don’t want to even think about them let alone figure out how to handle them.

I woke up in a cold sweat, the nightmare being too much and had woken me up. I silently cried, why did I leave, would we still have gone separate ways had I not done so first, will we ever see each other again? There were many questions on my mind. I didn’t know how to answer them, yet felt like I had to answer all of them. It gave me a headache just thinking about it, I felt terrible for leaving, but even worse for the fight in the first place. I started to believe as I cried that I shouldn’t have gotten mad at her, I should have just listened and not said anything, maybe even do as she said. Wait no, not that last one, that’s a thought my father put into my head, to just fall in line. Get in line with his viewpoint, with everyone else's viewpoints; if I insisted on being different, I was to at least pretend to not be different. Surely she wouldn’t have wanted me to just say okay and do as she said, right? I felt terrible for even questioning that. I’m a terrible friend to even doubt her like that. I don’t know how long I sat there on the bed crying, but I know it was at least a few minutes. When I stopped crying, I looked over at my pokemon all cuddled around Pipi. Remembering what robin said before I left, I grabbed my phone and carefully took a picture of them. Robin made sure I could contact him if needed as he figured at the moment I wouldn’t contact Amatsu unless I was dying and told me to send proof of life pictures, apparently he has to send pictures to his mom and friends in Kalos as proof that he was alive, though he was rarely in the pictures. When I looked at my phone, I saw that it was only four in the morning so Robin definitely wasn’t awake, but I sent the picture anyway with a message about how Lia was my new pokemon.

Now not sure if I could, or even wanted to, fall back asleep, I decided to go for a walk. I know I was told not to walk much on my ankle, but I was restless. Carefully I got off the bed and put on my shoes, as I grabbed my jacket I felt something small hug my side. Looking over, suspecting it would be one of my pokemon, I saw Lia still visibly tired hugging me the best she could with her short arms. “Did I wake you up? I’m sorry if I did.” I whispered as I picked her up. She shook her head no, but stayed close to me making me assume she wanted to come with me. So I buttoned up my jacket with her against my chest to make sure I could still use my crutch. She seemed content with this and I made sure none of my other pokemon were awake as I grabbed my phone and crutch and walked out of the room as quietly as I could manage; after living with my father my whole life I knew how to sneak around quietly. I went outside and found some joy in seeing the glowing mushrooms, what did the nurse say this town was called again? It took me a minute to remember, but I’m pretty sure she said the town’s name was Ballonlea. The town was beautiful and I loved looking around. For a few minutes everything was quiet except for noises from pokemon that were in the forest around Ballonlea. It was very peaceful, which I liked. I sat down near a tree for a few before my phone started ringing. Confused as to who would be calling me at this hour, I looked at the caller ID, Robin. I answered and quickly said sorry for the possibility that my message had woken him up before he could even say anything. He laughed and said, notably still tired, “No I woke up to use the bathroom and saw your message afterwards. Knowing you, I figured I should call to make sure you were alright. So the fact that you answered brings me to my first question, which is why are you still awake Ren?” I was silent for a minute, not sure what to say, should I tell him about my ankle, my nightmare, maybe I should just talk about Lia and say the new addition is keeping me up? Before I could decide I heard Robin say, “And don’t try and avoid or lie through my question. We all know you are a terrible liar and talking over the phone won’t change that.”

“Well umm… actually a lot is keeping me up at the moment.” No turning back now. “Pipi had wandered off yesterday causing me to panic and I ended up falling and spraining my ankle. This is when I met Lia who helped heal my ankle a bit and decided she wanted to come with us.” I paused for a minute before continuing, “It started raining before we got to a Pokemon Center, so we are staying there for the night. I got some sleep, but kinda… had a nightmare that woke me up. Then I sent you that picture and now we are talking so yeah umm…” I knew how awkward I sounded, but I wasn’t very good with words and it was four in the morning.

“What I’m getting from all that is that you have a lot on your mind?” he asked after a moment to take in all I just said. I confirmed that he was right, but that I didn’t wish to talk about it in detail. “It’s fine if you don’t want to talk about it, but may I ask if you know what you are going to do now? I’ll explain why I’m asking this too.” I did want him to explain so he did. “When I met you and Amatsu, you didn’t really have any goals in mind. Amatsu wants to be a gym leader and/or just a great trainer in general, that was something quick I learned about her. Hence why I let her read my dad’s journal and note seeing as he was a gym leader and I could tell she needed a form of support, which I could still provide even if I just met her. What I can tell from you when I met you, Ren, was, to put it simply, you have trouble thinking for yourself and because of that you don’t know what you want to do. You still didn’t have this figured out when you left and I’m afraid because you left there are a few things that could happen and some aren’t ideal. Hear me out for a moment, one of the biggest things I’m concerned you will do is that you will go back home.” I heart skipped a beat, but I still listened. “I don’t know your story just as much as I don’t know Amatsu’s story, but what I do know from you guys’ actions, the concern your pokemon and Amatsu’s pokemon have for you two, making me believe neither of your lives were great at some point in time. From what I heard from you, was that you rarely went outside before you started your journey with Amatsu, meaning your home life wasn’t great and I have seen your back before, Ren. I’m afraid you will go back to the only thing you know, even if it is shit, even if every sense in your body says not to go back something in you will find a reason why you have to. That is manipulation, Ren, whoever hurt you wants that to happen. They want you to think you are nothing without them and if you go back I don’t know what will happen, but I can’t imagine it will be anything good. I’m also not saying for you to come back, your reasons for leaving were actually quite sound and understandable, considering what I just said about how you struggle to think for yourself at times. No if you want to come back, you should come back when you are ready and when Amatsu is ready, and I want you to come back with trust in us, because you may or may not have some trust issues that are only just now showing themselves.” That last part hit me in the chest as I had just been questioning a lot of things about my friendship with Amatsu. “And I want you to come back when you know what you want to do, if not for the rest of your life, but at least for the immediate future. Pick up a hobby or two, find something you love to do, focus on your pokemon, whether through training them or just focusing on them when you don’t want to focus on anything else, take your time with your emotions, that’s why you left in the first place and no one should be rushing you on that. There are many options for you Ren, many good options. I’ve seen how you take notes of every little thing about a single pokemon, that alone shows a lot on your part and if you decide to train your pokemon, maybe be more of a pokemon trainer yourself, then you already have something to work with. It is up to you and I hope you make the most of this time alone, not to say I’m not worried about you because I left you alone for five minutes after that fight with Amatsu and you looked terrible.”

I didn’t realize I was crying again as I said, “Thank you, Robin. I-I’ll try…” My voice was shaky, but something felt lifted off from my shoulders. A lot of questions were answered and though there was still a lot on my mind, at least some of it were answered. “And one more thing Ren before I sternly tell you to go to bed and let your ankle heal, don’t be afraid to go make other friends, whether you have met them before or are going to meet them soon, we shouldn’t be your only friend and they might give you more advice. Okay now go to bed so I can also go to bed and congrats on your new pokemon, I hope I can one today meet her.” I smiled a little, though I didn’t completely know what Robin was talking about with the friends thing, I figured I would think it over when the sun was up. “Thanks, again, Robin. Good night.” I started getting up careful of the now sleeping Lia in my jacket and started my walk back to the center. “Good night, Ren.” Robin said with a yawn before he hung up. I went straight to bed and once again, sleep quickly claimed me, but this time it was a dreamless sleep.


End file.
